When I’m weak, I’m Strong…

If in case you drop my heart accidentally,

 I don’t need a helping hand.

I could mend it back in one piece.

 I will never ever let you touch it again.

I can’t afford to hurt myself anymore.

I have a heart as hard as stone…

But it doesn’t mean it’s unbreakable…

 

I always tell myself I could easily forget you.

That you’re not worthy for the grief and the sorrow.

I’ve always been a child crying for every little thing,

But not this time, I won’t let myself…

I can’t wait for the uncertainties of tomorrow.

I try to ignore the sad sceneries in my mind

But there’s no way I could escape from you…

 

Yes love, you know that I am strong indeed…

I may not fall and I may not cry but I’m not numb.

It doesn’t mean I couldn’t feel the pain…

When I hold the tears, when I force a smile…

When I try to cast you out of my mind…

You know, it hurts me even more…

And I find myself wanting to break…

 

There’s a part of me crying and pleading.

I keep my ear away for I will only pity her weakness.

But I realize, having her caged won’t help me either…

So just this once I will accept defeat to you love…

I will surrender the words you’ve been longing to hear.

But saying this doesn’t mean that I lose in your game.

For It was never a game to me…

 

Accepting your weakness takes a lot of courage.

Yes love, I will be brave enough to stand after the fall.

I will be a new creation, thanks to you…

I may be weak but this is my advantage.

My strength is made perfect in weakness…

So I will take pleasure in my infirmities,

For when I am weak I am strong…

 

 

****************
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

Do I Have To Hate You?

It’s been such a long time since I’ve last made a post, I thought I’ll never be able to write again due to work-related stress. I have graduated recently from college and I was lucky to have a job immediately, and I was hired as a Quality Manager at a very young age… due to my recent career-related accomplishments, I haven’t had the chance to give time to my so called… lovelife… slowly it began to fade until it’s just a history from the past…

The man to whom I dedicate all of my poems thus far,  found another girl who can give him the time he needs, the presence and the care he wanted right away… oh well, that’s life… while I was left hoping when can we meet again, he was out there playing with the other girls…

and thus my bitterness was reflected in this writing… I don’t think I could call this a poem… maybe just a literary piece… I just wrote what I feel without boundaries…

here goes my come back piece 🙂

Do I have to Hate You?

You’ve shown me a world behind the magic door…

I never knew it really existed until I saw it from my very eyes…

The secret key to witness this world was revealed to me…

I have to hold someone’s hand and we must be together…

As we enter the door, our heart must beat as one…

Only then will the magic door be opened…

And thanks to you I have seen the hidden world of Love…

But at the middle of the journey, you left me behind…

The illusion disappeared and the magic world dissolved…

Was it destroyed? Or I am the one who’s destroyed?

Unable to keep the secret key in my hand, I’m left behind…

I’m trapped inside the wall not knowing where the lights are.

Where did you go, my love? Off to take someone else’s hand?

Off to bring another girl in your secret world?

How about me then? Where do I go now?

I want to escape this dark wall… at least tell me how…

Is there another secret key? What must I do?

Do I have to take my heart out and throw it in the wall to break free?

Yes you said? Oh my love, but I’ve done that many times already…

I tried countless times and I just keep bruising myself all over again…

And I’m still here in this dark wall…

My love, Do I have to hate you for what you’ve done?

“No I can’t hate you, you’ve shown me the world of Love

And even though I can’t be a part of it forever…

Just having a piece of it in my memory is enough…

I thank you for giving me the chance to get a glimpse of this fantasy,

It was short but I will suffer long enough to pay the price,

Don’t worry, I know how beautiful that world is…

Just thinking you’re in there… laughing and smiling…

That’s enough for me to  paint a smile using the brush of tears…

Even though I know you’re holding someone else’s hand…

I will be contented to have my own world in this wall

At least for once in my life I have witnessed a magic…”

What pretty words… they’re shining but I can’t see them…

Oh my love, do you really think that’s what I’m going to say?

Do you really think you deserve those beautiful words?

I’m afraid you’ve forgotten the world where you found me…

It’s the world of Reality and it’s a cruel world indeed…

Too bad I prefer to see the dawn’s cruel light as I woke up…

So my Love? Do you want to hear my answer?

Forgive me but you have to hear this so please bear with my words…

“I will have to hate you, You took my hand and promised me a magic

But what you’ve given me is a chain of binding curse…

A young boy is out to play and he thought I could entertain him…

Oh I couldn’t say no, I was bewitched by his charm…

Yes I have to hate you for being so fast…

so fast to share me this magic world… and so fast to give up…

I just said you have to wait before we venture too much,

The world of love is enchanting, you were excited to see everything

I want to wait for the perfect time… I want to be prepared…

But you are being such a child! A wretched child indeed…

Patience Is supposed to be your stronghold but yours is just a pillar of water!

Oh I would love to hate you and your irresponsibility…”

I want to scream that to your face but it’s nowhere to be found…

I want to hate you like crazy but my love, I should restrain myself…

The strength and the time it will take is worth more than that.

Crying? Yes maybe and it almost made me sick hearing my own sobs.

Tears? Oh no my love, you’ve got me all wrong…

You can’t see the tears, It’s so precious for someone like you…

I can never show it to you, I wouldn’t forgive myself.

I was crying inside, it’s my soul and not my mortal body.

Why? Not because of you my love, don’t  dream too much.

If I would hate someone, I should hate myself more than anyone…

I told you I didn’t trust you, right? I know you’re just lying…

But deep down,  I really believed you, holding a little token of chance,

I wage my faith and I forgot everything I knew about love…

I was fooled because of my innocence…

I could feel myself changing, I could see myself yearning…

I was so drowned by the ephemeral smoke of your fire…

But please I beg you, don’t boast you’ve done too much.

It is I who gave too much– too much faith, too much hope…

No! don’t think you need to do something, my love…

Your irresponsibility and lies are enough already…

If there’s one thing I should thank you,

it’s not the butterflies… It’s not the laughter and happiness…

for I could find those sometime… somewhere…

far better than the world of fantasy…

A magic that’s not an ilusion but a miracle of reality I can touch.

I should thank you for teaching me about things of the world…

My heart? Don’t worry, my love, it didn’t shattered into pieces,

It didn’t break nor did it take any damage when you dropped it.

I was so careless for giving it to your care for a moment…

Stoned it? You’re worried you made it like a rock?

No my love, you didn’t change it to an ugly thing…

It’s still as precious as a diamond, and as passionate as a ruby…

It’s still fresh  like an emerald and calm like a sapphire…

But after what you’ve done, I enclosed it in a stone…

So that it will be hardened and guarded all the time…

I will not leave it bare for anyone to see the shining jewels so easily…

I ask you to tell me the secret to get out of this wall…

But my love, it’s such a futile plea for you do not know of it…

Of course not! I’m not accusing you for caging me inside this wall…

with such weak hands? No I won’t let you do it in the first place.

I know now that it Is I who placed myself in here…

It’s a punishment for the child inside me,

so that she may learn her lesson and be prepared for the reality…

I’m not lost anymore, I could easily find my way home…

Rescue will come to me in no time, it’s just a prayer away.

Don’t worry my love, this would be the last time you’ll hear of me…

What? Before I go you want to return something?

You’ve robbed me a lot of things, I know…

Don’t feel the need to return the irreplaceable things…

Afterall broken pieces are never acceptable anymore in reality…

Don’t worry my love, I could step again in the world I truly belong…

I’m not broken and if I am, God will mend me completely…

Oh I forgot, here’s a candy for taking the time to hear me…

Just don’t cry if it taste bitter, and so I bid you farewell…

_____________________________________________

I do hope I could still write here with the little time I’ve got…

Sapphire

Image

From an orb of purity
seeking an endless fantasy of truth,
a drop of sapphire is glowing bright and clear…
Surely it will fall just for you…
Will you be here to witness it’s silence?
In the white palm of a lover, a small grain of beauty
embodies the story of my sorrow.

The shards of our dream
blooms magnificently in the starless sky,
Like a firework shining fiercely but slowly, quietly,
It will shatter into pieces…
As long as we can, we hold on to it’s burning fire…
We watch it fade with loneliness–then it disappeared.
Will it be the same for our dear sapphire?

The hesitant  gray clouds
Refuse to sink as it seal the colorless sceneries in my mind.
The radiance you’ve left behind in my heart revealed love,
It is now being illuminated in my eyes…
Even pain is turned into a sapphire
By your hands that touched tenderness and compassion.
A blue light was born from an innocent wish that can’t be granted.

There was a cold rock
Inside my chest that never knew warmth and splendor,
seizing an army of sapphire spears that wanted to rain on you…
Sleeping in ice and snow, embracing the sadness within…
Standing firm and proud, it caged the blue crystal for its own.
Sweet sighes, old misery, long breath– all drunk up…
It screamed, “I can’t gave you my sapphire, it’s too precious for you…”

I search inside the prison walls
For I was suffering by myself, I want to crush the stone but…
I was surprised to see that there was no rock, nothing  but emptiness.
The strength and courage was all but illusions…
An optimistic lie masquerading bravery, I’m weak, right?
I just can’t lose the sapphire tear for I know,
It holds my stories and memories, my love and my everything…

A consuming fire burning up
to dried the sea of of overwhelming grief and sorrow…
Eternity exist only inside the prism walls…
If in case time forgets, let my wound be inside this sapphire…
Shaking all emotions in the world, soon enough it will fall…
I have hold on too much, catch it if you can, don’t let it break…
Bear it’s light to guide you in your way, please return to me…

 

Waiting in Vain

Image

It wasn’t so new, a story of countless maiden from long ago…
She walk while shadows of elegance embraced her feet.
She wear her hat proudly thinking her dreams ahead.
Not a single hint for a change of fate could break her grace.
But as soon as the wind blows, she would realize her new destiny.
The breeze took off her hat, making her to stop venturing…
Looking back to search for the lost item, she would see
A new radiance returning to her… not just her old hat…
But a man giving her a thing she lost from long ago…
Not just her hat but a nostalgic feeling thought to be dead…
Her hat could be given back to her, but she had lost something…
Not her hat, not her pride, not her beauty nor elegance…
The man walked away stealing her most precious item…
—her heart is what he took…

I’ve been repeating the history of the maiden…
A man appeared masquerading to return something I lost…
Never did I know, he was off to steal my heart…
He walked away guided by the winds of fate…
I return to my own quarters following the path I always took…
The days are going to be different from now on…
The man has been robbing me of my sleep…
Of my time, of my dreams and recently– my sanity…
Where could he be? I walk in the street with hasty feet…
My eyes began wandering here and there… Yes, I’m searching…
Hoping I will stumble upon that same man…
But everyday I end up getting frustrated…
Unable to see the man… unable to get my heart back,
–I lie here under the same sky as he was, waiting…

I wait as I watch the people from my window come and go…
Of course I’m the woman! I will not run after a man…
I may hope to meet him but I will not forget the word modesty…
I will not show weakness… not in front of my thief…
I will wait for him to be responsible enough of what he has done.
Days were gone, and months withered but I’m still waiting.
And then an idea crossed of what was left in my mind…
What if I’m just making illusions? Maybe he didn’t stole anything…
I just dropped my heart somewhere and I’m accusing him…
Or maybe… I gave it to him without knowing…
He will not return it because it was his property now…
But then could he be waiting for me too?
Maybe he’s just waiting for me to claim what was mine…
I wait for him who was also waiting for me…
–So as we wait for each other,
my heart also waits in vain and in pain…

My Sweet Lovely Secret

Image

The heart rings, the choir of my life sings…
The endless symphony of silence will finish its concert.
Before the moon fairy knocks, I was but a dead sound…
When the clock of fantasy breaks the stillness of light,
The phantom carriage will be a shadow no more,
Behind its curtains are unknown entities…
The fairest of them bear the name “Love”…
With its grace and beauty, a formidable gate
Will open even if it means letting the enemy in…

And now that Love is within my castle,
I am a princess no more,
But a prisoner and a slave all the same…
When the sky is filled with glowing crystals,
every lifeless soul will breath warmly…
And my heart is no exception…
But in exchange to take hold of the fire,
A ravaging army has to seize my territory…
I will have no control of my mortal body by then…

Nonetheless I could finally see an ethereal figure…
Invisible like me when I am dead,
But I can feel it burning real like an eternal flame…
Is this a magic cast by the moon fairy?
Or a curse brought by the enemies from the phantom wheel?
Whatever it is, I know it’s something I had to conceal…
Someday they will find out about the intruder…
And I will have to confess but they must spare me…
For I can do nothing about the potion or the spell.

I’m lucky a prayer has protected my treasure..
Love can robbed me of anything she wants…
My sanity, innocence, time, and even dreams…
She can have all but one–
my faith in Him who sits on the throne…
For now, I try to hide the mysticism inside my castle,
It is a burden and a glory I have to take all to myself.
My sweet lovely secret…

******************

Caged Bird (iii)

Image

How long should I remain a caged bird?

always staring up the sky, so far away?

How long should I lose track of counting the days?

How many times does the moon have to fall?

How many times do I have to lose faith in your love?

How many times do I lit the fire?

How often does the wind have to blew me?

How many times do I abandon my dreams?

How long shall I haunt our memories?

Until I see you again, so soon?

If I am to be freed,

I want to see you right away…

But I’m scared to see the sky torn apart…

I yearn for it but I fear for it, 

So I might just ran away…

But I will always find myself, 

wanting to be in your sky…

If this unseen barrier

should tear my wings as I escape…

I will be sad…

for I will never be able to reach you…

Is it even possible to break free?

I know it’s just fantasy…

Like how love is only

an ilusion thought to be magic…

But if God is to mend my wings,

and make that magic real…

Miracles are bound to happen

for me to land on your sky…

***************

I finally managed to finish the last part. Forgive me for chopping it into pieces, lately I’ve been busy too much with school and with very little time I’ve got I can’t finish a piece with haste. Hope you enjoyed this poem.

 

Image source: google.com

 

Caged bird (ii)

Image

How long should I use these wings?

To lose sight of you, so far away?

Because If I turn my eyes in different direction,

 I just might feel better  that I could finally think

of anything else other than you…

It’s funny how I want to get away from you but for real,

I still haven’t caught the slightest of your shadow…

I am always looking at you from somewhere…

I see you within the ends of the ocean,

Even inside a train in motion…

Staying like this made me feel

That my wings are as worthless as my tears…

That magic moment where you and I are to meet…

Is like the sky where the sun and moon never greet…

It’s almost as if I’m a small bird inside the cage…

Aimlessly wandering behind the bars…

Searching for the window where I can fly…

I can’t do it with my own strength,

There has to be a key,

Oh but it’s in the hands of Fate…

Will you take it for me?

**************

I was about to finish that last poem, but I don’t have all the time in my hands. Here’s the continuation and it’s still unfinish at the moment >.< I hope I could update it soon. Thanks for reading the poem even with the same titles, I’ve been doing this for quite some time since I couldn’t finish a piece readily.

Image source: google.com

Caged Bird (i)

Image

How high shall I fly?

to never see you, so far away

Wherever I go, I see you following me…

I see your silhouette beside mine

as I gaze the beauty of the setting sun…

I see your umbrella over me,

As the rain begins to pound the city…

Why do I have to see you in couples

walking hand in hand, smiling all day long?

You’re in every corner of the street,

in every stranger that I meet…

You’re in every icing of the cake I eat,

In every smoke of the coffee I sip…

Your name is written on every treat I take…

There has to be a star that doesn’t reflect your eyes,

I fall asleep searching, but oh there is none…

It seems you’re in every dust of the wind!

You caged me as you invade my mind!

There has to be an escape route,

I tried hesitantly to look for it, but oh there is none…

Why do you have to be in every song I hear?

Even in my sweetest dreams, you’re there…

Will you also be in every breath I take?

**********************************

Image source: google.com 

Because you said… (ii)

They are words spoken out of temporary madness…
An abrupt declaration of a heart that’s feeling brave…
But deep down the well, it is all dried up, thirsting like a desert.
Do you want to gain something? Saying those words doesn’t’ mean
that the future will come to us naturally…
that you’re not going to lose me or I will be closer to you…
Rather, it is a binding curse of eternal promises
chanted by your lips, easily blown away by your breath…
The future has become too much for me to bear…
Just because you said–

Dangerous words, you’ve played with it…
Testing it with fire not knowing what you’re risking.
More than an adjective, it is not just an emotion that describes…
It is a word fitted to be a verb– an action, a decision, a responsibility.
A word I see with utmost reverence, I dare not to speak…
Don’t be confuse, it is not just what you perceive…
Don’t think it’s reality, what you’ve done is just to believe…
It’s painful to admit, but it’s so heavy like gravity pulling me down…
It made me think that it’s an optimistic lie for the truth,
Just because you said–

I seldom care, I seldom yearn, I often choose to doubt but just
this once I want to believe that there’s a flame left over,
after the eruption subsides. I don’t care if it’s just a fortunate accident.
More than just a seductive word, your irresponsibility engulfs me…
I gave a kick to my fantasies but I tripped
the moment I hear your words so I fall even more with it…
I breath alone and it’s consuming my strength, I’m drowning,
it’s too careless to ask but rescue me with these words…
I want to hear it again and again. I want to stay alive…
just because you said–

~”I love You…” ~

image source: google.com

Because you said… (i)

 Image

I’ve been told I’m only dreaming and I thought so too.
I’ve been hearing songs of faith from  the unreachable sky
as if they are played for me.
I’ve been seeing rain as silver jewels of hope
as if heaven sent them down for me.
I’ve been painting smiles even in the canvass of weariness
as if I’m creating a masterpiece.
I’ve been writing spells in the midst of impatient nights
as if I’m making a wish come true.
I’ve notice the difference of the yesterday from today,
Just because you said—

I’ve been trying to hide the change, I never knew it’ll happen.
What I saw between the gap of clouds is the plane of dreams
that took flight long ago. I no longer run after it, I just watch it twinkle.
I’m no longer satisfied with the white lilies,
I dyed them  red as  fire and watched it glow with contentment.
I no longer follow the words in the textbook
I’ve written myself, I see no use of it.
I no longer play the melody of an innocent flowerbud,
my hands are too passionate to be soft.
I’ve notice myself disoriented today as compared from yesterday,
Just because you said–

Because these words seem to become trivial when it is too often told…
The eyes of the world have distorted what it really meant…
You thought it’s just a word  that describes the throbbing of your heart,
the mystery in your smile, the uneasiness in your mind,
the desire in your eyes, the thief of your sleep…
That is just being in the state of what you think…
which any of us can convince ourselves we are. It has lead you astray,
like a child going wherever your heart commands you.
And I foolishly believe in a tomorrow in which my wish will come true,
Just because you said–

~”I Love You” ~